Subject: The World of the Goons lyrics --- updated
From: r.street@auckland.ac.nz (Russell Street)
Hello folks! Calling folks, folks... dropped my megaphone there
folks...
Attached with chewing gum and brown paper is my transcription of the
lyrics to the ``World of the Goons'' album. Many thanks to those who
burnt the midnight oil (available for 2d6 from all good grocers) and
found my mistakes.
So here we go, folks...
Russell
--------------------------------------------------------------
Russell Street (r.street@auckland.ac.nz)
Had you been alive at 3 am on the third of Autumn and switched
on your wireless you would have heard this:
======================================================================
Below are my transcripts of the Goons's songs (i.e., songs they have
done as a trio.) Like much great comedy, it is all in the presentation,
so these lyrics do not make much sense on paper (neither, however,
do they make much sense when you HEAR them but that is getting
away from the point).
I have attempted to write down what I heard, but that often
proves difficult as Milligan is fond of words that do not
exist, or you can not write down. In other places the words
exist but are unintelligable (a little like me after listening
to this stuff for two hours solid!) Any corrections, suggestions
for what they actually said/sung/mumbled etc can be sent to me
in a brown paper parcel. I will scurtinize them with an
intense scrut and make the necessary adjustments.
Updated: 27/3/94 with corrections from afg readers. And added
The Sewers of the Strand
at the end.
Thanks to (in order of apperance in my saved article file)
Major Matt Mason (marmelmm@dunx1.ocs.drexel.edu)
Steve Caskey (caskey_s@ix.wcc.govt.nz)
Paul Martin (pm@nowster.demon.co.uk)
Nick Leverton (leveret@warren.demon.co.uk)
Ivan D. Reid (ivan@erich.triumf.ca)
Alun Jones (alun@internet.wst.com)
--------------------------
Paul Webster - Tiny corrections in spelling of names and sleeves! - October 2001
--------------------------
The following information comes from the sleeve notes (do tapes have 'sleeves'
-- why, they don't even have jackets!) of "The World Of the Goons"
My copy has an "eclipese" logo on it, and what looks like
a catalog number: "820 908-4". The cover has a picture of
a goose with it's head in an old fashioned wind-up gramophone
(a play on the HMV dog.) ["This is the end of the horned phonograph
and the little dog that looks into it!" (I can not recall which
one this comes from.)]
In addition to their radio work, in 1956 Decca Records UK (London US)
opportunsitically had them sign on the dotted line to tape four singles:
I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas (Milligan, Carbone)
Bluebottle Blues (Milligan, Carbone)
featuring Maurice Plonk and
his Orchestra Fromage with Nick Rauchen conducting
"The Ball's Pond Road, near the One in Harmony"
Produced by Marcel Stellman
Recorded: 24/05/1956 UK F 10756
Released: 25/06/1956
US 1684 04/08/1956
The Ying Tong Song (Milligan)
Produced by Marcel Stellman
Bloodnok's Rock'n'Roll Christmas (Carbone)
Produced by Marcel Stellman
Recorded: 16/08/1956 UK F 10780
Released: 10/09/1956, US None
I Love You (Milligan), featuring Slim Idiot
Produced by Marcel Stellman
Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh! (Carbone, arr. Lockyer) with Orchestra directed by "SIR"
Produced by Marcel Stellman
Recorded: 10/03/1957 UK F 10885
Released: 20/04/1957 US None
A Russian Love Song
Whistle Your Cares Away (Milligan, Stephens)
Produced by Marcel Stellman
Recorded: 14/10/1957 UK F 10945
Released: 21/10/1957
US None
They were, and have remained, consistent best-sellers under various
guises and this package collects them all together. Two further titles
were cut on March 10th 1957, but the tapes for these sadly disappeared
at the time and they obviously can not be released. We can only wonder
at what was concealed behind the billings "Who's That Knocking" and
"Hello Folks".
In 1978 original radio produce Marcel Stellman once again had the trio
return to the Decca's tehn microphoned portals in the capital's
West Hampstead district, whence they committed the two true stero
waxings which complete this marvellous sound tapestry,
"The Raspberry Song/Rhymes" (F 13769, Released 21/04/1978).
The Raspberry Song (Adapated Milligan)
Rhymes (Sarony, arr. Miligan)
with the Wormwood Scrubs Screws
Orchestra, conducted by Convict Ed Welch
Produced by Marcel Stellman/Ed Welch
In addition, Milligan has recorded on his own these relating directly
to the Goons:
My September Love (1956) [Eccles]
You Gotta Go Oww! (1956) [Moriarity]
Good King Eccleslas (1961) [Eccles, many]
These are featured on an EMI "Comedy Classics" Collection #11,
featuring a number of Milligan's songs, exerts from Pukcoon,
his war autobiographies and "interviews". Included on the tape
is an exert from "Dishonoured, again" under the unlikely
title of "The Power of Licorice". [Released in 1990,
catalog number 7 95306 4]
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here they are:
The Ying Tong Song
------------------
[This transcription by Paul Martin, the silly twisted boy -- RS]
[orchestral intro]
Tenor: There's a song that I recall
My mother sang to me.
Sprigs [off]: Oh! [a sigh]
Tenor: She sang it as she tucked me in
When I was ninety-three.
[harp plays a rising chord...]
Sprigs: I diddle, I. Who was that bum?
Bluebottle + Sprigs:
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po,
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong [bluebottle drops behind]
Ying tong iddle I po
Sprigs: Keep lad up. Keep.
Bluebottle: Keep up lad up.
Both: Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Sprigs: lad
Both: Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po [lad]
Iddle I po [lad]
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong [Sprigs: iddle] [Bluebottle: ying tong]
Ying tong iddle I po
Ying tong ying tong iddle
Bluebottle [spoken]:
Ying tong iddle I po!
[short raspberry, Secombe]
Both: Oh!
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Iddle I po!
[trumpet bit]
Bluebottle:
Ying. Ying tongy tongy.
Ying tong iddle I po.
Ying tong iddle I po.
[Secombe under this: What a lovely lovely boy!]
Ying ying ying tongy tongy.
[Milligan: Get out the rifle, sir.]
Yeeeng.
Ying tong ying tong d'gy-n'o.
Ying tong d'ga.
[Secombe: Get away.]
D'g d'g d'ga.
Ying tong iddle I po.
Seagoon:Hear that crazy rhythm
Driving me insane.
Strike your partner on the bonce.
[thump]
Eccles: Ooh. I felt no pain.
[Bluebottle screeches]
Seagoon, Bluebottle and Eccles:
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying...
[harp chord rises]
Soprano: Take me back to Vienna....
[Raspberry section, probably Milligan]
Bloodnok: Ohhhhh!
Eccles: Oh!
[harp chord]
Soprano: Take me back to Vienna, where the....
[crash!]
Seagoon, Sprigs and Bluebottle [far off]:
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
[mad dash to foreground]
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
[Sprigs: keep going lad]
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Seagoon: LOOK OUT!
[cry from Bluebottle]
[mad dash to distance]
[hastily]
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
[dash to foreground]
Ying tong...
[whine of bomb dropping, explosion]
Double speed, but same tempo, Goons:
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Iddle I po.
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Iddle I po.
One: Ying! Tongy tongy tongy.
Yiddy diddy diddy da daaa. Ying diddy.
Ying tong diddle. Yiddada boo.
[rhythmic thigh slapping, raspberry]
All Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle
Ying tong iddle I po
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po
Iddle I po.
Bluebottle?: Whoooooh!
I Love You
----------
[ From ... marmelmm@dunx1.ocs.drexel.edu (Major Matt Mason)
This, of course, was a reference to Wyatt Earp, famous Western sherrif-type
fellow much lampooned in the 1950s and recently Kurt Russelized.
]
Chorus Singers[CS]:
Wiry Twerp, Wiry Twerp -- long may his memories remain
Tall in the saddle and low in the ground
That was old Wiry Twerp
Twerp:
(to horse) Whoa, whoa there, whoa!
Well folks -- I'm a aiming to sing
(sings) I love you
Oh yes I do
I love your brother
Your dear old sister, Sue (sister Sue)
I love your pa
And you dear cousin Lou
But most of all, my darling
I love your brother
CS:
He loves you
Honest he do
He loves your brother
Your dear old Sister, Flo
Twerp:
I love your pa (your pa)
And your dear Cousin Lou (Lou)
But most of all, my darling
I (He) loves your brother
I do love you
I do -- I dearest do (hiccup)
Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh!
-----------------
(Sellers) Friends, pick up that bottle you will finding standing in
the centre of your dining room table
(Secombe) Now examine it closely and read what it says on the very
small print on the back of the label
(Sellers) Note that it's contents are invaluable for pea soup,
falling ears, irritation of the nurglers, exteriminating socks
and preserving eggs
(Milligan) And that doctors strongly recommend it as a cure for the
lurgi, the on-set of the nadgers, spots before
the ankles, soft shoulders, pink toenail and
acute amounting on the legs
So ooooo (ow!)
If you're turning pimply and your knees are turning blue
Don't be nervous simply, try Eeh! Ah! Oh! Oh! Ooh!
Practice every morning and you'll find that you
Almost without warning will be Eeh! Oh! Ah! Oh! Ooh!
(Secombe) Combat, cure infection with this latest thing
Follow the directions and PING!
(Milligan) Now the nights are colder you'll find what to do
Write on the folder: Just Eeh! Ah! Oh! Ooh!
(Sellers?) When the flame affects you, or you got the flu
You find what protects you is Eeh! Ah! Nicky! Nu!
Better than the whisky, brandy gin or glue
Makes your liver frisky does Eeh! Or! Ah! Nu!
(Milligan/Eccles) And for making company or ?????????? try some in your coffee
And ya ha ya ya ha
(Secombe) So if you get heated, don't get in a stew
Hold your breath, be seated and Eeh! Ah! Oh!
(All) So when your out of ????? and the rent is due
Just a tiny spoonful will do
And Oh! Ah! Arg! Oh! Glug! Arg! Arc! Arg! Ooh!
[Disgusting Donkey noises]
(Sellers/Bloodnok) Oh -- Oh! that's better!
Rhymes
------
(Secombe) I'm going to hold a rhyming comptetion
To prove that England is the greatest still
But if I don't like the rhyme that you have written
I reserve the right, the poet for to kill!
(Sellers/Thynee) This could mean the big time!
Have you heard of this man Moriarty
Who's never appeared with Russell Harty
(Milligan/Moriarty) The reason is this: I was out on the
(All) That was a terrible rhyme --
(Secombe) who's the next victim -- that' you
(Sellers/Bloodnok) A nobleman from old Bohemia
Whose daughter was christined Euphemia
Though she was a real stunner, she married a gunner
With chancres and haemiophilia!
(All) That was a wonderful rhyme sign us another one,do!
[ thought is comes out ``fright us a snagging or two'' -- RS ]
(Milligan/Moriarty) The reason is this: I was out on the
(Sellers/Bloodnok) Right in the old Niagaras
(Sellers/Bluebottle) There was a young lady of Tottingham
Who had no manners or had forgotten them
At tea at the Vicar's, she ripped off her knickers
Because she said she felt hot in 'em
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Milligan/Minnie) Why aren't I in this recording
(Milligan/Eccles) There was a young man of Trilee
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked did it hurt, he replied not at all.
It can't
(All) That was an unfinished ryhme. Sing us another one do
(Sellers?/Rough) Morning hard on the nurdle
In arm with the bird and the burdle
The old fargon goo, he done riden the blue
And he grundled the gwreds and the gwrelds
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Milligan?/Japanese) There was a young man from Yokohomo
Who marry a girl from Kawmow (?)
On honeymoon night, bed catch alite
So he get up and put on pyjammas
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Sellers/German) There was a young Nazi from Berlin
Fought for Hitler in hopes that he would win
Now he cleans all the shoes of the Golders Green Jews
Boy have they got it in for him!
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Milligan/Indian1) There was a young man called Ghandi
(Sellers/Indian2) Gandi is right
(Indian1) Who went in to the bar for the Shandy
(Indian2) You are right absolutely
(Indian1) With his great loin cloth he wipes off the froth
And the barman says "Blimey, that's handy"
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Eccles) Well that's the end of that
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Bloodnok) Look, I have several others rhymes unsung
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Minnie) Stop! Stop! Stop!
(Moriarity) The reason was this, I was out on the
Whistle Your Cares Away
-----------------------
(Eccles): Oooohh! Who stuck that needle in my nut
(Milligan/Sprigs):
(Thank you, yes. Very good. Thank you mystro, I think I have it now)
Life is ...
(sorry, I'll start again)
Life is full of modern type misfortune
Full of stife and wow and grief by fright
But even though you come upon misfortune
There's one thing that will save you in the end
When life is not all bliss, please remembering
(Secombe) (Thank you)
When you're drowning in the water of a shark infested bay
Give a little and whistle your cares away
When your standing on the gallows at the dreaded break of day
Give a little and whistle your cares away
(Eccles)
Your beauty is a raphosdy -- classic melody
Hiding all refrain from most experienced regancy (??)
(Secombe) If your tightned to the railroad and the train is on its way
Give a little and whistle your cares away
(Bluebottle)
< can't make this out>
Living in the dreaded London Town
But your life will not be half as dreay,
if you do not let them get you down
So listen to my plea, for the price of one and three
Oh, thank you
(Little Jim)
He has fallen in the water
(Secombe) ... of a shark infested bay.
Give a little HELP!
(Eccles) ... and whistle your cares away
(Minnie) Henry! Henry! Henry!
(Secombe) If you're tightned to the railroad and the train is on its way
Just give a little and whistle your cares away
(Eccles) Oh!
Side 2
======
The Raspberry Song
------------------
(Moriarty) Oh, oh! Let me out -- my only crime is eating
(Secombe) Don't worry -- I'll give the screws a song
The warden won't mind
(Bloodnok) No -- he's doing bird as well. Mystro
(Moriarty) Take your partners for the ball and chain one step
One, two, three
(Bloodnok) May I have this dance warden, you can hold my ball
(Secombe) In a little prison where I'm locked in there is a most
pecular fellow
His name is Eccles and he's is in cell nine
But his voice is soft and mellow
He keeps a fruit cart in his cell, and all the convicts knows it
He doesn't sing or rave about his fruit
-- he simply blows it
(Bloodnok) He's doing it all night long
(Secombe) It's better than any song
No, it isn't very pretty, but you've got to admit its cute
(Bloodnok) Never, never
(Secombe) So all together let it go -- eat more fruit!
(Bloodnok) Don't tell me he's come to stay
(Secombe) Let the wardens here him say
Fruit's in season! Let's be merry! Apples, plums and the old raspberry
Everything is fresh today
(Bloodnok) Don't let him get near me, please!
(Secombe) Every Friday night when work is done
He does not wastes a minute
To the prison warden he hurries 'round where he sings just like
a lillet
To hear him blow a melody its great, you can't deny it
And if you've nothing else to do,
we'd like the screws to try it
(Bloodnok) No more, please!
(Secombe) Get ready and do it now
(Eccles) The crazy man, you know how
(Bloodnok) God knows it isn't very pretty
(Secombe) You've got to admit it's cute
(Bloodnok) Well....
(Secombe) All together let it go -- eat more fruit
(Bloodnok) There isn't a cure they say!
(Secombe) Let the screws all hear him say:
(Eccles) Don't eat farm laid (???)
(Secombe) Every thing is fresh today
(Bluebottle) Hello everybody, remember me, Bluebottle?
I'm fourteen now and I have got boils
Though I don't look very pretty, I'm wearing my
new brown suit.
The only trouble with it is when I go outside I'm struck
my fruit.
(Bloodnok) Don't point him at him I say
(Secombe) It's a treat to hear him play
Fruit's in season, plums and berries
Apples, pears and the old raspberry
(All) Every thing is fresh to day
(Bloodnok) Someone open a window, please!
Bluebottle Blues
----------------
Big musical introduction.
Sound of door opening, and Bluebottle (B) runs up to microphone,
where the Secombe (S) is waiting.
B: Oh! Hello everybody!
S: Just the lad I've been looking for.
B: Oh!
S:
Clamber in my head, Fred
Whence all but you have fled, Fred
There is no contesting,
I've no way of manifesting
How much I'd prefer you dead, Fred
B: Oh I'm glad you like me, my Captain
Because I trust you too.
S: Gratifiy your wim, Jim.
B: Jim? What happened to Fred?
S: He changed his name.
B: What to?
S: Chunky.
Tell me, can you swim Jim?
B: No, Jim can not swim.
S: Then step upon this plank, son
On the river bank, son
Which I have carefully arranged
so it will suddenly tip up and throw you
into thirty feet of muddy water
when you upset the trim by stepping on
the rim, Jim.
B: I say, it's not for deading me, is it Captain?
S: Oh course not, dear boy! Just walk along it a bit further!
B: Righty-ho then. Ahh. Here I am on the edge of the nice
little wooden-type plank. It is a lovely day for
a naughty blank. Arg! Oh!
YAHHH! You've drowneded me.
I do not like this game.
I've got those "When I say I trust you I do not want to be drownded
because I do not like those kind of game" Blues.
I don't like tricks that go sploogy-splat
(They say harm can come to a young lad like that)
And I do not like explosions that blow me back to Christmas (?)
Out of my el-seaside pudding queue (???)
I don't like being wetted by nasty April showers
And I do not like being nutted by Eifel and Blackpool towers
So I do not want to be drowned, nutted, deaded, hitteded, splatted
pledded!
I don't like that kind of type blues -- I don't like that
I've got them Bluebottle Blues.
S: Still alive?
Take this cigarette, pet.
B: Oh ta
S: No, don't light it yet, pet.
All right, now you can light it.
B: Are you sure I won't be deaded or nothing, Captain?
S: No, no -- don't be frightened!
B: All right then, I'll just put a match to it,
and .... < BOOOM>
< over explosion >
You rotten swine you! You deaded me again.
I shan't play this rotten game no more.
Picks up fretted knee caps, replaces lugging lug hole
And exists through little hole in middle of record
(Milligan, unaccompanied) I'm walking backwards for Christmas
-- oh no, that's on the other side!
A Russian Love Song
-------------------
There were two Russian lovers
Walking hand in hand on the banks of a river
in a snow covered land.
A boy and a girl with starlight in their eyes
They kiss and caress as he tenderly sighs
Oh! Oh! Oh! Comrade! All right comrade that's enough!
We meet each night by the silvery light of our
dear old fashioned Russian satellite moon
It shines so bright -- turns Americans white
at the sight of our dear old fashioned Russian sattelite moon
And over here in England I saw it at my flat
I ran into the cellar and put on my old ARP hat
Don't be silly!
Comrades! Just dance with joy, while we are all still alive
by the light of our glorious Russian sattelite moon
Gentleman!
Look up in the skys -- I can't believe my eyes!
It's that dear old fashioned Russian sattelite moon!
What, what, where?
Hand me get my gun -- we're going to have some fun
Oh I missed that naught Russian sattelite moon
I'll have to run you in there for a very legal reason
Shooting at Russian moons when they are out of season
Stand aside -- my reply to that is this rocket driven hat
England's answer to that Russian sattelite moon
The President. Gentleman the President of the har-har-har of the har-har-har
There is a Russian sattelite moon of Arkansor, Mr President
Thank heaven it is not over America
Don't worry, we are prepared for this
Mr Presley: hit 'em heavy
Now listen here! I'll make it clear just what we intend to do
I'm gonna rock around that Russian sattelite moon
I'm gonna rock around that Russian sattelite moon
That's right, comrade Elvis
Go on, shake your hips while we listen to the blips
Of our glorious Russian sattelite moon.
Bloodnok's Rock'n'Roll Call
---------------------------
Company shun! Shoulder High!! (?) By the right, number!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
Nine, ten, eleven, tweleve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen
Sixteen, fifteen, fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven, ten, nine
Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
Nine, ten, eleven, tweleve, thirteen, fourteen,
You've got to rock and roll in a roll call way
You've got to march with a Marilyn Monroe-ese way
You've got to rock and roll with your old kit bag
But you musn't ever mention her name in the mess
And if you want to know the title of this number
It is a Major Dennis Bloodnok Rock'n'Roll Call rhumba
Left, left, left, right left
Quick, slow, quick, quick, slow
In, out, in, in, out
Pick up your gun, shove a bullet up the spout
It's the dance they do from Spain to Pango-Pango (??)
It is a Major Dennis Bloodnok Rock'n'Roll Call Tango
Coy, dum diddle, blow de how
Bombay didde bowl of char
Um diddle
Minnie: Stop! Stop! Stop that sinful naughty record-type music
Stop it I say! Oh! Stop it!
Bloodnok: Oh! Foddle me puckies and cril me topie (???)
Why do my beady old eyes deceive me, or is it?
No, no -- it can't be. But yes! It is!
It's me old child hood sweetheart Spotty Minnie
Bannister-- the darling of Roper's Light Horse
Bless my sole, what are you doing here?
Nothing catching I hope
Minnie: I just came to put my bag full of money in the bank
Bloodnok: Money! Money! Oh!!! Neddie, take Miss Bannister
in a steaming love dance while I check her properties
One, two, three, four
Secombe: Change to the left, ladies to the right.
All join hands -- panic
Bloodnok: Bravado, bravado. What a voice! (What a bank balance!)
I beg you, you gorgeous wanton. Give me some small token
of your love and I will sing you a known miltary melody.
Music, mystro Plonk
(Right mate)
You've got to rock'n'roll in a monetary manner
If you want to earn a necessary tanner
Take your pick while the picking's good
If you never pick right, things will never get better
When I hear the tink of money that is good news
It drives away the Bloodnok Rock'n'Roll call blues
So let there be, always some cash for me
That will be mine, all mine!
(Send 2/6 for a copy of this record)
I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas
-----------------------------------
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea,
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
It's the only thing for me.
I've tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front,
But people just look at it,
And say it's a publicity stunt.
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
To prove that I love you.
An imigrantal lad, loved an Irish collenne
From Dublin Galway Boy.
He longed for her arms,
But spurned his charms,
And sailed with a former wife.
She left the lad by himself, on his own
All alone, a sorrowing
And sadly he dreamed, or at least that's the
way it seemed, buddy,
That an angel quieted him....
An angel quieted the same.
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea.
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
It's the finest thing for me.
And so I've tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front.
But people just laughed, and said,
"It's a publicity stunt".
So I'm walking backwards for Christmas
To prove that I love you.
Spike: Thank you -- and for an encore ...
BlueBottle: 'Ere -- I didn't think much of that. I think my side was better
Spike: Get that child OUT OF HERE!
=================================================================
The Sewers of the Strand (1961)
------------------------
You can find this on...
EMI Comedy Classics
Spike Milligan: A Collection of Spikes
(Songs and sketches from this Unique Comic Talent)
(c) 1990, catalog # 7 95306 4 (for the tape)
Available also on CD
The Sewers of the Strand (1961)
------------------------
Phew!
Yes folks, I can understand their feelings because they are about to play:
Sideways through the sewers of the Strand on a Sunday afternoon
Sideways through the sewers of the Strand will be our honeymoon
Ankle deep folks in sludge dear we'll walk hand in hand
They do say that the sewers of the Strand are the finest in the land
Sideways through the sewers of the Strand will be paradise for two
Who cares if the atomosphere is blue
'Cause there's nothing wrong with a good old British pong
Sideways through the sewers of the Strand with you....
Ah my darling little bride.
We meet by accident, folks -- she ran over me with a tram
Her name was Buler, mine was Jim.
I was glad they called me Jim, folks, because that was my name
I found that she had been going out with an Irish dentist called Phil McCavity
He walked with a pronounced limp -- l-i-m-p pronounced limp, folks
Oh the worry turned me grey. This gave me a strange appearance as I was bald
at the time.
Ah the first time I met her was late early one morning in Spring.
There was a heavy dew on the grass -- the had just be thrown out of
a synagogue for eating during the sermon
I told her 'Darling, let me take you away from the squalor you
live in, and live in the squalor I live in'
So, we were married in the Spring, folks
We had the reception in the pond
There was plenty to drink folks
And then off we went! Folks!
Sideways through those naughty sewers of the naughty Strand will
be a paradise for two (not one but two, folks)
Who cares if the atmosphere is blue (phew!)
'Cause there's nothing wrong (is there) with a goold old British PONG!
Sideways through the sewers of the Strand with you
I don't mean maybe.