First broadcast on October 12, 1954
Script by Spike Milligan
Produced by Peter Eton
Announced by Wallace Greenslade
Orchestra conducted by Wally Stott
The Main Characters
| Mr Henry Crun | Peter Sellers |
| Miss Minnie Bannister | Spike Milligan |
| Ned Seagoon | Harry Secombe |
| Lance Brigadier Grytpype-Thynne | Peter Sellers |
| Sergeant Throat | Spike Milligan |
| Major Denis Bloodnok | Peter Sellers |
| Eccles | Spike Milligan |
| Odium | Spike Milligan |
| Moriarty | Spike Milligan |
| Willium | Peter Sellers |
| Bluebottle | Peter Sellers |
How young Ned Seagoon was called in by the terrorised gentle-folk of Bexhill to help track down the dreaded Batter Pudding Hurler. Striking when least expected, the 'Hurler' caused such havoc during the blackout of 1941 that troops, massed against the German invasion, were ordered to join the hunt. A trail of cold Batter Puddings eventually led Ned Seagoon to North Africa where, with the aid of Major Bloodnok, he finally cornered the traitor...
BILL |
This is the BBC Home Service. |
F.X. |
PENNY IN MUG. |
BILL |
Thank you. We now come to the radio show entirely dedicated to the downfall of John Snagge. |
HARRY |
He refers, of course, to the highly esteemed Goon Show. |
GRAMS |
SORROWFUL MARCH WITH WAILS. |
HARRY |
Stop! Time for laughs later - but now to business. Mr. Greenslade? Come over here. |
F.X. |
CHAINS. |
BILL |
Yes, Master? |
HARRY |
Tell the waiting world what we have for them. |
BILL |
My lords, ladies and other National Assistance holders - tonight the League of Burmese Trombonists presents a best-seller play entitled: |
ORCHESTRA |
TYMPANY ROLL. HELD UNDER:- |
PETER |
The Terror of Bexhill-on-Sea or ... |
ORCHESTRA |
THREE DRAMATIC CHORDS. |
HARRY |
The Dreaded Batter Pudding Hurler. |
ORCHESTRA |
CLIMAX. THEN DOWN NOW BEHIND:- |
BILL |
The English Channel 1941. Across the silent strip of green-grey water - in England - coastal towns were deserted, except for people. Despite the threat of invasion and the stringent blackout rules, elderly gentlefolk of Bexhill-on-Sea still took their evening constitutions. |
F.X. |
EBB TIDE ON A GRAVEL BEACH. |
CRUN |
Ohhh - it's quite windy on these cliffs. |
MINNIE |
What a nice summer evening - typical English. |
CRUN |
Mnk yes - the rain's lovely and warm - I think I'll take one of my sou'westers off - here, hold my elephant gun. |
MINNIE |
I don't know what you brought it for - you can't shoot elephants in England. |
CRUN |
Mnk? Why not? |
MINNIE |
They're out of season. |
CRUN |
Does this mean we'll have to have pelican for dinner again? |
MINNIE |
Yes, I'm afraid so. |
CRUN |
Then I'll risk it, I'll shoot an elephant out of season. |
BOTH |
(Go off mumbling in distance) |
BILL |
Listeners who are listening will, of course, realise that Minnie and Henry are talking rubbish - as erudite people will realise, there are no elephants in Sussex. They are only found in Kent North on a straight line drawn between two points thus making it the shortest distance. |
F.X. |
PENNY IN MUG. |
BILL |
Thank you. |
CRUN |
... well, if that's how it is I can't shoot any. |
MINNIE |
Come Henry, we'd better be getting home … I don't want to be caught on the beaches if there's an invasion. |
CRUN |
Neither do I … I'm wearing a dirty shirt and I … mnk … don't … |
F.X. |
CLANK OF IRON OVEN DOOR. |
CRUN |
... Minnie? |
MINNIE |
What what? |
CRUN |
Did you hear a gas oven door slam just then? |
MINNIE |
Don't be silly, Henry … who'd be walking around these cliffs with a gas oven? |
CRUN |
Lady Docker. |
MINNIE |
Yes, but apart from the obvious ones - who'd want to ... |
F.X. |
WHOOSH - SPLOSH - BATTER PUDDING HITTING MINNIE |
MINNIE |
Ooooooooooooooohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho … |
CRUN |
No, I've never heard of him. |
MINNIE |
Help, Henery - I've been struck down from behind. Helpp. |
CRUN |
Mnk - oh dear dear. (Calls) Police - English Police - Law Guardians??? |
MINNIE |
Not too loud, Henry, they'll hear you. |
F.X. |
POLICE WHISTLE. |
SEAGOON |
(approaching) Can I help you, sir? |
CRUN |
Are you a policeman? |
SEAGOON |
No, I'm a constable. |
CRUN |
What's the difference? |
SEAGOON |
They're spelt differently. |
MINNIE |
Ohhhhhhhh. |
SEAGOON |
Oh! What's happened to this dear old silver-bearded lady? |
CRUN |
She was struck down from behind. |
SEAGOON |
And not a moment too soon - congratulations, sir. |
CRUN |
I didn't do it. |
SEAGOON |
Coward - hand back your OBE. Now tell me who did this felonous deed. What's happened to her? |
CRUN |
It's too dark to see - strike a light. |
SEAGOON |
Not allowed in blackout. |
MINNIE |
Strike a dark light. |
SEAGOON |
No madam, we daren't - why, only twenty-eight miles across the Channel the Germans are watching this coast. |
CRUN |
Don't be a silly-pilly policeman - they can't see a little match being struck. |
SEAGOON |
Oh, alright. |
F.X. |
MATCH STRIKING - QUICK WHOOSH OF SHELL -SHELL EXPLODES. |
SEAGOON |
Any questions? |
CRUN |
Yes - where are my legs? |
SEAGOON |
Are you now aware of the danger from German long-range guns? |
CRUN |
Mnk ahh! I've got it - I have the answer - just by chance I happen to have on me a box of German matches. |
SEAGOON |
Wonderful - strike one - they won't fire at their own matches. |
CRUN |
Of course not – now … |
F.X. |
MATCH STRIKING AND FLARING - WHOOSH OF SHELL - SHELL BURST. |
CRUN |
... Curse ... the British!!! |
SEAGOON |
We tried using a candle, but it wasn't very bright and we daren't light it -so we waited for dawn - and there, in the light of the morning sun, we saw what had struck Miss Bannister. It was - a Batter Pudding. |
ORCHESTRA |
DRAMATIC CHORD. |
CRUN |
It's still warm, Minnie. |
MINNIE |
Thank Heaven - I hate cold Batter Pudding. |
CRUN |
Come, Minnie, I'll take you home - give you a hot bath - rub you down with the anti-vapour rub - put a plaster on your back - give your feet a mustard bath, and then put you to bed. |
SEAGOON |
Do you know this woman? |
CRUN |
Devilish man - of course I do - this is Minnie Bannister, the world-famous poker player - give her a good poker and she'll play any tune you like. |
SEAGOON |
Well, get her off this cliff, it's dangerous. Meantime, I must report this to the Inspector. I'll call on you later - goodbye. |
F.X. |
(PAUSE) DISTANT SPLASH. |
SEAGOON |
As I swam ashore I dried myself to save time. That night I lay awake in my air-conditioned dustbin thinking - who on earth would want to strike another with a Batter Pudding? Obviously it wouldn't happen again, so I fell asleep. Nothing much happened that night - except that I was struck with a Batter Pudding. |
SPIKE |
Mmmmm - it's all rather confusing, really. |
BILL |
In the months to come, thirty-eight Batter Puddings were hurled at Miss Bannister - a madman was at large - Scotland Yard were called in. |
ORCHESTRA |
LINK. |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
(Sanders throughout) Inspector Seagoon - my name is Hercules Grytpype-Thynne, Special Investigation. This Batter Pudding Hurler … |
SEAGOON |
Yes? |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
He's made a fool of the police. |
SEAGOON |
I disagree - we were fools long before he came along. |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
You silly twisted boy. Nevertheless, he's got to be stopped - now, Seagoon – |
SEAGOON |
Yes yes yes yes yes yes? |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
... Please don't do that. Now, these Batter Puddings - they were obviously thrown by hand. |
SEAGOON |
Not necessarily - some people are pretty clever with their feet. |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
For instance? |
SEAGOON |
Tom Cringingknutt. |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
Who's he? |
SEAGOON |
He's a man who's pretty clever with his feet. |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
What's his name? |
SEAGOON |
Jim Phlatcrok. |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
Sergeant Throat? |
THROAT |
Sir? |
GRYTPYPE THYNNE |
Make a note of that. |
THROAT |
Right. Anything else? |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
Yes. |
THROAT |
Right. |
GRYTPYPE THYNNE |
Good. Now Seagoon, these Baker Puddings - were they all identical? |
SEAGOON |
All except the last one. Inside it - we found this. |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
Oh! An Army Boot! So the Dreaded Hurler is a military man. Any troops in the town? |
SEAGOON |
The fifty-sixth Heavy Underwater Artillery. |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
Get there at once - arrest the first soldier you see wearing one boot. |
SEAGOON |
Ying tong iddle I po. |
GRYTPYPE-THYNNE |
Right - off you go. |
ORCHESTRA |
BLOODNOK SIGNATURE TUNE. |
BLOODNOK |
Bleiough - aeioughhh - bleioughhhh - how dare you come here to my H.Q. with such an … |
SEAGOON |
I tell you, Major Bloodnok, I must ask you to parade your men. |
BLOODNOK |
Why? |
SEAGOON |
I'm looking for a criminal. |
BLOODNOK |
You find your own - it took me years to get this lot. |
SEAGOON |
Ying tong iddle I po. |
BLOODNOK |
Very well then - Bugler Max Geldray? Sound fall in - the hard way. |
MAX & ORCHESTRA |
THEY WERE DOING THE MAMBO |
| (Applause) | |
ORCHESTRA & CAST |
(Murmurs of distrust) |
BLOODNOK |
Silence, lads! I'm sorry I had to get you out of bed in the middle of the day - but I'll see you get extra pay for this. |
ORCHESTRA & CAST |
You flat 'eaded kipper - Gawn, drop dead - I'll claht yer flippin' head. Gorn, shimmer orf. |
BLOODNOK |
Ahhhhhhh, that's what I like - spirit. Now, Seagoon - which is the man? |
SEAGOON |
I walked among the ranks looking for the soldier with one boot but luck was out: the entire regiment were barefooted - all save the officers, who wore reinforced concrete socks. |
BLOODNOK |
Look Seagoon, it's getting dark. You can't se in this light. |
SEAGOON |
I'll strike a match. |
F.X. |
MATCH ... WHOOSH OF SHELL - EXPLOSION. |
SEAGOON |
Curse, I forgot about the Germans. |
ECCLES |
We want our beddy byes. |
SEAGOON |
Who are you? |
ECCLES |
Lance Private Eccles, but most people call me by my nick-name. |
SEAGOON |
What's that? |
ECCLES |
Hahum. Nick. |
SEAGOON |
I inspected the man closely - he was the nearest thing I'd seen to a human being, without actually being one. |
BLOODNOK |
Surely you don't suspect this man - why, we were together in the same company during that terrible disaster. |
SEAGOON |
What company was that? |
BLOODNOK |
Desert Song 1933. |
SEAGOON |
Were you both in the D'Oyly Carte? |
BLOODNOK |
Right in the D'Oyly Carte. |
SEAGOON |
I don't wish to know that, but wait!! At last - by the light of a passing glue factory - I saw that Eccles was only wearing - one boot! |
ECCLES |
Well, I only got one boot. |
SEAGOON |
I know - but why are you wearing it on your head? |
ECCLES |
Why? It fits, dat's why - what a silly question - why - why - |
SEAGOON |
Let me see that boot. (Sotto) Mmmm, size nineteen ... (Aloud) What size head have you got? |
ECCLES |
Size nineteen. |
SEAGOON |
Curse - the man's defence was perfect - Major Bloodnok? |
BLOODNOK |
How dare you call me Major Bloodnok. |
SEAGOON |
That's your name. |
BLOODNOK |
In that case - I forgive you. |
SEAGOON |
Where's this man's other boot? |
BLOODNOK |
Stolen. |
SEAGOON |
Who by? |
BLOODNOK |
A thief. |
SEAGOON |
You sure it wasn't a pickpocket? |
BLOODNOK |
Positive - Eccies never keeps his boots in his pocket. |
SEAGOON |
Damn. They all had~a watertight alibi - but just to make sure I left it in a fish tank overnight. Next morning my breast pocket 'phone rang. |
F.X. |
RING. |
SEAGOON |
Hello? |
CRUN |
Mr. Seagoon - Minnie's been hit with another Batter Pudding. |
SEAGOON |
Well, that's nothing new. |
CRUN |
It was - this one was stone cold. |
SEAGOON |
Cold??? |
CRUN |
Yes - he must be losing interest in her. |
SEAGOON |
It proves also that the phantom Batter Pudding Hurler has had his gas-pipe cut off! Taxi! |
F.X. |
BAGPIPES. RUNNING DOWN. |
SPIKE |
Yes? |
SEAGOON |
The Bexhill Gas Works, and step on it. |
SPIKE |
Yes. |
F.X. |
BAGPIPES. FADE OFF. |
BILL |
Listeners may be puzzled by a taxi sounding like bagpipes. The truth is - it is all part of the BBC new economy campaign. They have discovered that it is cheaper to travel by bagpipes - not only are they more musical, but they come in a wide variety of colours. See your local Bagpipe Offices and ask for particulars - you won't be disappointed. |
SPIKE |
It's all rather confusing, really |
PETER |
Meantime, Neddie Seagoon had arrived at the Bexhill Gas and Coke Works. |
SEAGOON |
Phewwwwwww blimeyyyyy - anyone about? |
ODIUIM |
Yerererererere. |
SEAGOON |
Good. |
ODIUM |
Yerrer. |
SEAGOON |
I'd like a list of people who haven't paid their gas bills. |
ODIUM |
Yererererere - |
SEAGOON |
Oh, thank you. Now here's a good list - I'll try this number. |
F.X. |
DIALLING. |
SEAGOON |
Think we've got him this time - hello? |
PETER |
(Winston Churchill - distort) Ten Downing Street here. |
SEAGOON |
(gulp) I'm sorry. |
F.X. |
CLICK. |
SEAGOON |
No, it couldn't be him - who would he want to throw a Batter Pudding at? |
F.X. |
QUICK 'PHONE RING. |
SEAGOON |
Hello? Police here. |
SPIKE |
This is Mr Attlee - someone's just thrown a Batter Pudding at me. |
ORCHESTRA |
TYMPANY ROLL HELD UNDER NEXT SPEECH:- |
SEAGOON |
Months went by - still no sign of the Dreaded Hurler. Finally I walked the streets of Bexhill at night disguised as a human man - then suddenly!! |
ORCHESTRA |
FLARING CHORD. |
SEAGOON |
Nothing happened. But it happened suddenly. Disappointed, I lit my pipe. |
F.X. |
MATCH. WHOOSH OF SHELL. EXPLOSION OF SHELL. |
SEAGOON |
Curse those Germans. |
MORIARTY |
Pardon me, my friend. |
SEAGOON |
I turned to see the speaker - he was a tall man wearing sensible feet and a head to match. He was dressed in the full white outfit of a Savoy chef - around his waist were tied several thousand cooking instruments - behind him he pulled a portable gas stove from which issued forth the smell of Batter Pudding. |
SEAGOON |
Could I borrow a match? You see, my gas has gone out and my Batter Pudding was just browning. |
SEAGOON |
Certainly. Here - no - keep the whole box - I have another match at home. |
MORIARTY |
So rich. Well, thank you, m'sieu - you have saved my Batter Pudding from getting cold. There's nothing worse than being struck down with a cold Batter Pudding. |
SEAGOON |
Oh yes. |
MORIARTY |
Good night. |
SEAGOON |
I watched the strange man as he pulled his gas stove away into the darkness. But I couldn't waste time watching him - my job was to find the Dreaded Batter Pudding Hurler. |
BILL |
Those listeners who think that Seagoon is not cut out to be a detective - please write to him care of Rowton House. |
SEAGOON |
On December 25th the Hurler changed his tactics - that day Miss Bannister was struck with a Christmas Pudding. Naturally, I searched the workhouse. |
WILLIUM |
No sir - we ain't had no Christmas puddin' here, have we mate? |
SPIKE |
No. |
WILLIAM |
We ain't had none for three years, have we mate? |
SPIKE |
No - it's all rather annoying, really. |
CRUN |
(approaching) Ahh Mr Sniklecrum … |
MINNIE |
Ahhhhhh. |
SEAGOON |
Mr Crun, Miss Bannister, what are you doing here? |
CRUN |
Mnk, Minnie had a letter this morning. |
MINNIE |
I had a letter. |
CRUN |
Mn gnup ... I'll tell him, Minnie. |
MINNIE |
Thank you, Henry. |
CRUN |
Mnk - yes, she had a – |
MINNIE |
Yess, you tell him. |
CRUN |
Alright, I'll tell ... |
MINNIE |
... Yes ... |
CRUN |
She had a lett … |
SEAGOON |
Yes, I know she had a letter - what about it? |
CRUN |
It proves that the Batter Pudding Hurler is abroad. |
SEAGOON |
What? Why? How? |
CRUN |
It was post-marked Africa - and inside was a portion of Batter Puddin'. |
MINNIE |
Yes - he hasn't forgotten me. |
SEAGOON |
So he's in Africa - now we've got him cornered. I must leave at once. Bluebottle! |
BLUEBOTTLE |
I heard you call, my Capatain - I heard my Captain call - waits for audience applause - not a sausage - puts on I don't care expression as done by Aneurin Bevan at Blackpool Conservative Rally. |
SEAGOON |
Bluebottle - you and I are going to Africa. |
BLUEBOTTLE |
Good - can we take sandwiches? |
SEAGOON |
Only for food - any questions? |
BLUEBOTTLE |
No. |
SEAGOON |
I can't answer that - can you? |
BLUEBOTTLE |
No. |
SEAGOON |
Ignorant swine. Got that down, Sergeant Throat? |
THROAT |
Yes. |
SEAGOON |
Good. |
THROAT |
Yes. |
SEAGOON |
Right, we catch the very next troop convoy to Algiers. And who better to drive us out of the country than Ray Ellington and his Quartet? |
QUARTET |
'OL' MAN RIVER'. |
| (Applause) | |
ORCHESTRA |
'VICTORY AT SEA' THEME. |
PETER |
And now ... |
F.X. |
WASH OF WAVES ON SHIP'S PROW. |
BILL |
Seagoon and Bluebottle travelled by sea. To avoid detection by enemy U-boats they spoke German throughout the voyage, heavily disguised as Spaniards. |
PETER |
As an added precaution they travelled on separate decks and wore separate shoes on different occasions. |
SEAGOON |
The ship was disguised as a train - to make the train sea-worthy it was done up to look like a boat and painted to appear like a tram. |
SPIKE |
... All rather confusing, really. |
SEAGOON |
Also on board were Major Bloodnok and his regiment. When we were ten miles from Algi~s we heard a dreaded cry. |
ECCLES |
(off) Mine ahead.- dreadful sea-mine ahead. |
BLOODNOK |
(approach) What's happening here - why are all these men cowering down on deck, the cowards? |
SEAGOON |
There's a mine ahead. |
BLOODNOK |
Mi – |
F.X. |
HURRIED FOOTSTEPS AWAY AND THEN SPLASH. |
SEAGOON |
Funny - he wasn't dressed for swimming. |
ECCLES |
Hey, dere's no need to worry about the mine. |
BLUEBOTTLE |
Yes, I must worry - I don't want to be deaded - I'm wearing my best sports shirt. (Hurriedly puts on cardboard tin hat.) |
ECCLES |
Don't worry - dat mine, it can't hurt us - it's one of ours. |
F.X. |
EXPLOSION. |
SEAGOON |
Eccles, is the ship sinking? |
ECCLES |
Only below the sea. |
SEAGOON |
We must try and save the ship – help me get it into the lifeboat. |
ECCLES |
O.K. ... Upppppppppp. |
BOTH |
(grunts and groans) |
ECCLES |
It's no good, the ship won't fit in the lifeboat. |
SEAGOON |
What a ghastly oversight by the designer. Never mind, it leaves room for one more in the boat. |
BLOODNOK |
I'm willing to fill that vacancy. |
SEAGOON |
How did you get back on board? |
BLOODNOK |
I was molested by a lobster with a disgusting mind. |
SEAGOON |
Right, Bloodnok, do your duty. |
BLOODNOK |
(calls) Women and children first. |
SEAGOON |
Bloodnok, take that dummy out of your mouth. |
ECCLES |
Hey, don't leave me behind. |
BLOODNOK |
And why not? |
ECCLES |
... Give me time and I'll think of a reason. |
BLOODNOK |
Right, wait here until Apple Blossom Time - meantime, Seagoon, lower away. |
F.X. |
WINCHES GOING. |
ECCLES |
Hey - if you make room for me, I'll pay ten pounds. |
F.X. |
SPLASH. |
SEAGOON |
(off) You swine Bloodnok … |
BLOODNOK |
Business is business - get in, Eccles. |
ECCLES |
Ta. |
SEAGOON |
(off) Look, I'll pay twenty pounds for a place in the boat. |
F.X. |
SPLASH. |
BLOODNOK |
(off) Aeiough, you double-crosser, Eccles. |
ECCLES |
Get in, Captain Seagoon. |
HARRY |
Ahhh, thank you Eccles - myyy friend. |
BLOODNOK |
(off) Thirty pounds for a place. |
F.X. |
SPLASH. |
ECCLES |
(off) You ain't my friend. |
BLOODNOK |
Ahhhh, good old Seagoon, you've saved me. |
SEAGOON |
My pal. |
ECCLES |
(off) Fifty pounds for a place in the boat. |
F.X. |
TWO DISTANT SPLASHES. |
SPIKE |
Alert listeners will have heard two splashes - this means that both Bloodnok and Seagoon have been hurled in the water - who could have done this? |
BLUEBOTTLE |
Ha heuheuheuheuheuhuh - I dood it I doo - I hid behind a tin of dry biscuits and then I grabbed their tootsies and upppp into the water - ha heheu huehhhhh … |
ECCLES |
Bluebottle, you saved my life. |
BLUEBOTTLE |
O ha well, we all make mistakes! I like this game - what school do you go to? |
ECCLES |
Reform. (Both fading off) |
SEAGOON |
Tricked by the brilliant planning of Bluebottle and Eccles, Bloodnok and I floundered in the cruel sea. |
F.X. |
SEA. |
SEAGOON |
Fortunately we found a passing lifeboat and dragged ourselves aboard. We had no oars but luckily we found two outboard motors and we rowed with them. |
BLOODNOK |
Brilliant. |
SEAGOON |
For thirty days we drifted to and fro - then hunger came upon us. |
BLOODNOK |
Aeioughhhhhhhh - if I don't eat soon I'll die and if I die I won't eat soon. Wait - (sniffffff) can I smell cooking or do my ears deceive me? |
SEAGOON |
He was right - he has smelly ears - something was cooking - there in the other end of the lifeboat was - a gas stove! Could this be the end of our search? |
BLOODNOK |
I'll knock on the oven door. |
F.X. |
KNOCKING ON OVEN DOOR. |
MORIARTY |
(off) Just a minute, I'm in the bath ... (Pause) |
F.X. |
COMING DOWN IRON STAIRS. MORIARTY SINGING. OVEN DOOR OPENS. |
MORIARTY |
Good morning - I'm sorry - you!!! |
SEAGOON |
Yes - remember Bexhill - I lent you the matches. |
MORIARTY |
You don't want them back? |
SEAGOON |
Don't move - I arrest you as the Dreaded Batter Pudding Hurler. Hands up, you devil - don't move - this finger is loaded. |
MORIARTY |
If you kill me I promise you'll never take me alive. |
BLOODNOK |
Wait - how can we prove it? |
SEAGOON |
That Batter Pudding in the corner of the stove is all the evidence we need. We've got him. |
ORCHESTRA |
CRASHING TRIUMPHANT THEME. |
F.X. |
QUIET SEA. LAPPING OF WAVES. |
BILL |
But it wasn't easy - forty days they drifted in an open boat. |
FIDDLE |
'HEARTS AND FLOWERS'. |
BLOODNOK |
Oooaeioughhh, I tell you Seagoon - let's eat the Batter Pudding or we'll starve!! |
SEAGOON |
No, d'yer hear me - no! That's the only evidence we've got - though I must admit this hunger does give one an appetite. |
BLOODNOK |
We must eat it or die. |
SEAGOON |
Never!!! |
BLOODNOK |
We must. |
BOTH |
(Fade off) |
BILL |
And that, we fear, is the end of our story except, of course, for the end - we invite listeners to submit what they think should be the classic ending. Should Seagoon eat the Batter Pudding and live or leave it and in the cause of justice - die? Meantime, for those of you cretins who would like a happy ending - here it is. |
GRAMS |
SWEET BACKGROUND MUSIC, VERY, VERY SOFT. |
HARRY |
Darling - darling, will you marry me? |
BLOODNOK |
Of course I will - darling. |
BILL |
Thank you - good night. |
ORCHESTRA |
SIGNATURE TUNE: UP AND DOWN FOR:- |
BILL |
That was The Goon Show - a recorded programme featuring Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe and Spike Milligan with the Ray Ellington Quartet and Max Geldray. The Orchestra was conducted by Wally Stott. Script by Spike Milligan. Announcer: Wallace Greenslade. The programme produced by Peter Eton. |
ORCHESTRA |
SIGNATURE TUNE UP TO END. |
| (Applause) | |
MAX & ORCHESTRA |
'CRAZY RHYTHM' PLAYOUT. |