From: Moriarty
Forum: GSD - Transcripts
Posted: 13th Jun, 2004 10:36 
Post subject: S06ES2 The Goons Hit Wales



S06ES2 – The Goons Hit Wales 

Notes: A shocking recording quality, but none the less a fine show. 

~~~ - Parts I don’t understand. ~…~ - Words I’m not sure of 
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SELLERS (?): {First part missing} … ~~~~~~~~~~ 
SECOMBE: The Goons will discuss Wales through the ages 
GRAMS: First four bars of fast French anthem ending with harp glissando 
SECOMBE: Ten thousand years ago, the great ice age lay upon Wales. Then there came the first ~instrument~ 
ECCLES: [Very dopily: singing a carol] 
SECOMBE: Yes, singing from the very start. Down through the centuries he has sung, to the day we hear the beautiful voice of modern Wales 
ECCLES: [Very dopily: singing the same carol] 
SELLERS: The tribes of Wales wared and fought, until the coming of the tribal chief. It was in 3 A.D. that Bloodwind the Celf arose early one morning and walking out of his cave saw the great snowbound landscape. He raised his spear and said: 
BLOODWIND (SECOMBE): Ooooh, it’s ~parky~ today, isn’t it? Oooh, I’m freezing to death out here! 
ORCHESTRA: Harp plays 7 bars of a carol 
ECCLES: [Very dopily: sings along to carol] 
SELLERS: [In the middle of the carol:] Shut up, Eccles! 
SELLERS: A delightful beginning to a ~steady nation~. Tell me, are they still singing in Wales? 
SECOMBE: Oh indeed I… {Break in recording} 
SELLERS: Oh dear 
SECOMBE: There are some never to be forgotten Welsh tunes. Now we ~want~ everybody to… {Break in recording}. Music, ~Oar Shern~ 
ORCHESTRA: Harp plays beautiful melody for 12 sec. 
GRYTPYPE (?): Oh, Mr Seagoon, may I… {Break in recording} …Count Moriarty. He’s come from… {Break in recording} …to interview you for his paper 
SECOMBE: Oh, French eh? [Clears throat] And what paper do you represent? 
MORIARTY: This writing paper. Here are a few samples… 
SECOMBE: Please! Please! ~~~~~~~~~~. Do you mind? This is no time to come hawking your wares. You’ve interrupted me in the middle of my Welsh-type broadcast! 
MORIARTY: Welsh-type broadcast? [Laughs for a bit] What have you people to ~complain~ with our glorious Napoleon Bonaparte? 
SECOMBE: Napoleon Bonaparte? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~. Now look here, there’s a place for you around there. There’s where you’ll find the ~~~~ of Wales, but it’s not all easy, boy. There are men there out of work, like ~Cohen~ Crun out here 
CRUN: That’s right, Harry. I haven’t worked for three years. It’s pretty tough ~~~ 
SECOMBE: ~~~~~~~~ 
CRUN: Ah, it wouldn’t be too bad if I was single, see, but I’ve got a responsibility 
SECOMBE: Have you? 
CRUN: A wife, four children; three girls and a boy, Harry 
SECOMBE: Have you? 
CRUN: I don’t know how we manage to keep going 
SECOMBE: Ohhhhhh. Weren’t you a ~~~~~~~~~? 
CRUN: I’m a ~~~~~~~~~ operator 
SECOMBE: And there’s no work there, eh? 
CRUN: Ooooh, there’s plenty of work there, boy 
SECOMBE: Then why aren’t you working, ~Cohen~? 
CRUN: Just can’t ~get~ myself to get up in the morning 
BLUEBOTTLE: Pardon me, captain… 
SECOMBE: Ah, it’s the young, heavily-pimpled Bluebottle 
BLUEBOTTLE: Yes, captain. I have a vital stantinstic about your country 
SECOMBE: Really? 
BLUEBOTTLE: Yes. Do you know that there are more Welsh people in Wales than any other country in the world! 
SECOMBE: Are there indeed? 
BLUEBOTTLE: Yes. Go on, count them 
SECOMBE: Right. One, two three … four million. Gad, you’re right! Here’s a penny, keep the change. Now remember the name, Mighty Secome! 
BLUEBOTTLE: Hooooyoooy! Are you called Mighty Secombe? 
SECOMBE: Yes, that’s what my captain called me in the army. Every morning before parade he’d call from his bed, “Where’s my T. Secombe?” Hahaha! Where’s my T Se… Oh well. [With applause:] Thank you, thank you, Welsh listeners. We’ve got some friends tonight 
SELLERS: We aren’t that particularly witty people, but we’re loyal, like old William Thomas here 
THOMAS (SECOME): I, yes indeed, I’m a Cardiff man meself. Born and fed for seventy-two years. I know Cardiff isn’t a marvellous town. It’s a bit black here and there. And the weather, well it’s – it’s ~~~~~~~~~~, you see 
GRAMS: Male choir singing faintly in the background of: 
THOMAS: And we haven’t got all those nightclubs like Paris, but for all that Paris has, if a man were to come to me and say, “William Thomas, which would you rather have; Cardiff or Paris?” I’d be proud to say: ~Tarascendre~! 

{Tape ends}
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PS - Don't fall in the water